Joke: God! I love snow! Dear Diary, January 7 Decided to take that job offer in Chicago after living in Los Angeles all my life. Can't wait to experience the change in seasons. February 1 Moved into our new home in suburban Chicago today. It started snowing this evening. It was the first snow I had ever seen. The wife and I took our hot buttered rum and sat by the picture window to watch the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was absolutely beautiful! February 2 We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Every tree and shrubs were covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time and loved it. I did both our sidewalk and the driveway. Later a city snowplow came along and accidentally covered up the end of our driveway. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shoveled it again. February 5 It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature dropped to around 11 degrees. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled out our driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snowplow came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now brownish gray. February 12 It warmed up enough during the day to create some slush, which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tires for both cars. Fell on my ass in the driveway. More snow expected for tonight and tomorrow. February 13 SOOOO cold! Sold the wife's car and bought a 4 x 4 in order to get her to work. Slid into a guardrail and did considerable damage to the frame. Had another 10 inches of the white shit today. Both vehicles covered with salt and crud. More shoveling in store for me tonight. That goddamn snowplow came by twice today. February 15 Below zero outside. More fucking snow. Not a tree or shrub on our property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene heater, which tipped over and nearly burned the house down. I managed to put the flames out, but suffered 2nd degree burns on my hands and lost all my eyelashes and eyebrows. My car slid on the ice en route to the emergency room. Totaled. February 20 Goddamn, mother-fucking white shit keeps coming down. Have to put on all the clothes we own just to get to the fucking mailbox, but the mailman doesn't deliver. If I ever catch the son-of-bitch that drives the snowplow I'll chew through his chest and rip his fucking heart out. I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then comes down the street about 100 miles per hour and buries the driveway again! Power is still off but Illinois Electric is asking us to conserve energy to avoid power outages. Toilet froze and parts of the roof have caved in. February 22 Six goddamn more fucking inches of fucking snow and fucking sleet and fucking ice and god knows what other kind of white fucking shit fell last night. I wounded the snowplow asshole with an ice axe, but he got away. Wife left me. Car won't start. I think I'm going snow blind. I can't move my toes. Haven't seen the sun in weeks. More snow predicted. Wind chill -35 fucking degrees. I'm writing off the house as an insurance loss and moving back to California.