Joke: Great truths about life that adults have learned * Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree. * Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring. * The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere... and let the air out of their tires. * Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due. * Families are like fudge .. mostly sweet with a few nuts. * Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground. * Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside. * Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy. * My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely. * The more you complain, the longer God lets you live. * One day I shall burst my buds of calm and blossom into hysteria. * If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts. * Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day! * You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there. * Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car.